


A Strong Heart

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breathing issues, Doctor/Patient, F/F, Heart Attacks, M/M, Mentions of surgery, Organ Transplantation, Panic Attacks, Smut, Soonhoon - Freeform, THIS IS NOT ACCURATE MEDICINE AT ALL NOT IT IS INTENTED TO, a lot talk about feelings, joshua and hyejin are best friends, mamamoo is mostly mentioned, most of the things are taken from grey's anatomy, rocedures diagnoses consequences etc are not accurate or related in real life & can be disturbing, tumours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-07 21:30:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20824100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lee Jihoon, Dr. Lee Jihoon, is starting his first-year residency in surgery, particularly interested in cardiothoracic surgery. His first patient, Kwon Soonyoung (a cheerful young patient with a lot of energy, but a body that won't cooperate) may have marked his residency fast and in more ways than he expected.





	A Strong Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This story took a lot of unexpected turns along the way, but it's one of my favourites so far. I poured my heart into it. It means a lot in more ways than I can explain and it just pushed me to make it work and finish it because it means a lot. I'd always wanted to try a doctor/patient AU. There will be angst and a lot of mentions of heart problems, so if that's a sensitive topic for you, I recommend not reading it. There's still some cheesy fluff and happy moments, a lot of eye contact, kisses and hand-holding.
> 
> READ THIS BEFORE YOU START (and the tags, please), this is not medically accurate, nor could I make it more accurate because the systems work differently worldwide. I took my obsession for medical shows as a guideline and did little research, but I never tried to make this accurate. This is fiction, please have that in mind while reading.  
I repeat for you to enjoy this, if medical inaccuracies are disturbing to you in any way, I don't think you should read it because this is NOT ACCURATE IN REAL LIFE. Not the treatment, nor the consequences and diagnoses together. This is purely fiction and things have been placed or exaggerated just for plot purposes. I had the idea and I tried it, I'm sorry.
> 
> OR: operation room  
EKG: electrocardiogram (ECG as well)

**40 DAYS BEFORE**

The subtle sobbing was the only sound filling the room. His back ached from sitting against the On-Call room's wall. Jihoon was sitting beside him on the floor, head buried between his knees, still shaking, but more in control. Wonwoo checked his phone once more, but still no news. It's been three hours since Dr. Ahn told him to take Jihoon home, but Jihoon refused to leave the hospital until Jun or anyone gave them some news.

He sighed, it was painful to hear and to watch, but he didn’t want to leave Jihoon alone, and frankly, if it was himself, he would want someone next to him. The three hours of waiting started with his friend refusing to stay out of the OR. Wonwoo had almost ripped Jihoon’s coat trying to stop him. He then screamed at Dr. Ahn for refusing to let him scrub in the operation. Wonwoo had to talk sense into Jihoon until he agreed to let the others do the job. His usually clear-headed friend and colleague was someone else today. It took Wonwoo and Joshua a while to calm Jihoon down enough for him to stay in one place and wait.

Finally, his phone sounded, and Jihoon looked up. "Is it Jun?" his voice was groggy, but the desperation too clear in his tone.

"It's Joshua," Wonwoo said reading the message "No news yet."

Jihoon lowered his head again and Wonwoo replied.

_ I've never seen him lose it like that. _

_ Neither have I. I don't even understand_

_ what _ _ happened. I mean, he was stable. _

_ And we learn how to deal with this, don't we? _

_ He was more than just a patient, Wonwoo. _

_ We don’t really learn about this. _

_ I don’t know what to do. _

_ Neither do I, but let’s not leave him alone, _

_ that’s something we can do. He is special to him. _

_ I'll scrub in now, they paged general surgery. I'll let _

_ you know something as soon as I'm out. _

Wonwoo flipped his phone in his hand and looked up at the ceiling. _ It's been three hours and they've paged general surgery, this can't be good _. He looked at Jihoon at his side, he wasn't sobbing anymore, but he wasn't looking up either. Wonwoo reached to squeeze his shoulder. He wasn't gonna tell him what Joshua said, but he was foreseeing that he'd have to be here for Jihoon today.

"Ji," he said, "I think you should try to get some sleep. I'll stay here and wake you up if we get news."

"Wonwoo," Jihoon whispered, "Can you just talk to me? Tell me anything"

….

**DAY 1**

Jihoon wished he could tell his first day at the hospital was a day to remember as something honourable, but truth was that it was a day where he understood nothing of what was happening around him.

"Hey Jihoon, look!" Jun called, proudly pointing at the name tag on his white coat, "Dr. Wen Junhui"

Jihoon chuckled at his friend's antics while putting on his own white coat. “All the crying over last year’s exams was worth it”

"Hey! that's ru-," he got interrupted by three men in dark blue scrubs coming into the room. "Oh shit"

"Pay attention" ordered one of the men. The three of them stood in front of the little crowd of residents, their hands behind their backs and stared into their eyes. Jihoon avoided their gaze, but still felt the weight of their intimidating look upon them. They were dressed in dark blue scrubs and white coats over them, although it was their uniform, it separated them from the light blue ones he and the other residents were wearing. The dark blue scrubs held that power.

"Those are the attendants" Jun whispered next to him.

"Stating the obvious," answered Wonwoo next to him, Jihoon chuckled.

"Welcome residents" one of the men spoke, his tone dead serious almost military-like, eyebrows furrowed, “Today, you start the real tough-” He got interrupted by one of the two men who suppressed the urge to laugh and made the other one laugh. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, not really trying to hide the fact that was laughing.

“Not sorry” the other one followed him, “that was just too much”

The serious attendant sighed and looked down, then clapped his hands and chuckled along with his colleagues. “Well, that didn’t go as planned, you idiots.” Jihoon and the other residents began looking at each other, trying to figure out the joke, but everyone just seemed to try to figure out what was going on. At last, the attendant offered them a gummy smile “I’m Dr. Choi Seungcheol, attendant”

“I’m Dr. Yoon Jeonghan,” said the man who interrupted him before. He had longer hair than Dr. Choi and offered them a playful smile. “Also an attendant”.

“And, I’m Dr. Hong Joshua” the last one laughed, “also, _ just _ an attendant.” 

“We wanted to intimidate you all, but my fellows here clearly can’t keep a straight face.” he eyed Jeonghan and Joshua and cleared his voice. “We will take you around the hospital explaining to you a little over the facility and your expected work. Please stay with your assigned attendant. Neither you nor we want the chief of surgery finding you looking lost around the hospital.”

“She will not hesitate to kill you on the spot,” Joshua added. 

Jihoon had been in a hospital before, of course, always behind a resident’s tail and never wearing a white coat with his name on it. He was nervous this morning when he realized he was about to actually treat people and not only checking boards or talking to patients. It was nerve-wracking, but also exciting. He was about to finally get the action and experience that motivated him to enrol in med school. He made it to one of the best surgery teaching programs, he was excited to find out what was ahead of him. The attendants walked fast, and with reason, a lot of people passed by and stopped to say hi to them, but especially to Jeonghan, earning a smile from the attendant and a polite ‘sorry, I can’t talk now’.

“He’s the handsome and popular doctor,” Junhui stated, walking lazily next to Jihoon "I guess we are on the handsome-and- popular people program."

"He's actually one of the best neurosurgeons in this district," Wonwoo, said adjusting his specs. "I heard he only allows the best interns to scrub in the OR with him, he's a beast when it comes to improvising in surgeries."

"Improvising on brain surgery doesn't sound like a good characteristic, though" Jihoon answered, struggling to see where the attendants were going, as the hallways got narrower and crowded.

"This is a trauma hospital," Wonwoo shuddered and pushed his specs up rather casually, but he was struggling to look among the crowd "I guess they do get a lot of cases where they need to improvise."

"Oh man," Jun smiled "I hope I get to scrub in one of those high adrenaline surgeries."

"You can't even think under pressure, Jun"

….

“A mess of a team,” that’s how Wonwoo described the attendants. They managed to get too far ahead, until none of the residents could see them anymore. Jihoon hear Wonwoo gulp and whisper "Dr. Ahn" when a female doctor was walking towards them.

Now, if Jihoon thought Dr. Choi, Yoon or Hong had been intimidating, it was nothing compared to Dr. Ahn. She had sharp eyes, Jihoon could feel them burning as she made her way to them. A lady approached them just before Dr. Ahn, looking angry.

"I’ve been waiting here for three hours already, why don’t any of you help?"

Dr. Ahn stood in front of them and the lady, she scrutinized them from head to toe. Jihoon had the urge to step back, but before she said anything, she replied to the lady her voice steady but lacking the anger her eyes showed a second before. "I'm sorry, ma'am, these are interns. Let me find a nurse that can help you." Having said that she walked the lady towards the nurse station, but not before looking at them and signalling to stay there in place.

Jihoon could see the tension in Wonwoo's body as they closed their circle where Dr. Ahn had left them.

"She's scary," Jun said 

"Stating the obvious, again" Wonwoo's voice was shaking and he looked like he was going to break a sweat. "She's going to kill us."

Dr. Ahn made her way back to them and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Now, you better tell me right now which attendant left you to wander here alone and I'll make sure you disappear from my sight before you make a fool of yourselves."

"W-we just got lost," Wonwoo stuttered. "It was so crowded."

"I didn't ask about the conditions" Dr. Ahn sighed "I want to know which one of the attendants was careless enough to leave a bunch of kids-"

"Oh, Hyejin!" Said Dr. Yoon catching up to them, a smile on his face. "I see you met the new first-year residents. Don't you love how much they don't know and have to learn!"

"Of course it had to be you, Jeonghan" Dr. Ahn pinched her nose. "Please be more careful, we have a lot of people coming in today and we just can't have people confusing patients or making us look as if we have nothing to do."

"Will do," Jeonghan almost bowed, eliciting a loud annoyed sigh from the other doctor before she walked away. Jeonghan waited until she wasn't in sight anymore to talk again.

Jeonghan’s promise proved to be empty, they had only resumed their tour when he and Dr. Choi disappeared again, leaving only Joshua to walk them around. He was a chill doctor, but Wonwoo soon pointed out that it was probably that he was trying to make them omit that Dr. Yoon and Choi were just going out of the On-Call room looking a little too dishevelled and flustered. Still, Jihoon thought he was one of the nicest around. He was easy to talk to and not intimidating like the female doctors around them.

Dr. Ahn was a person Jihoon looked up to, and his first encounter with her was one where she was annoyed at finding Jun, Wonwoo and him roaming around the hospital, while the patients on the waiting rooms thought that doctors had enough time to waste. A great start

....

**DAY 2**

“Dr. Lee, you’re on my service for the week.” said the surgeon as she handled him a board and motioned him to follow her “You better keep up, I will not be waiting for you.” 

Jihoon could tell all the rumours he ever heard about the chief of cardiothoracic surgery intimidated him, but he was determined to excel at her service. Although she was said to be a ruthless woman, Jihoon often thought that's what makes the perfect surgeon for this specialization, and she was _ the best _ in the whole area. He had to make every moment count and remember that the science of the thorax was a very precisive one. 

“Is it Jihoon, right?” Jihoon nodded as Dr. Ahn led him to the elevator, hands in her coat’s pockets. He eyed the chart he was given and almost jumped in surprise at the diagnose. Dr. Ahn smiled at his reaction “Yeah, he’s quite an exception. I would like you to know a few things that are not written in that chart. Firstly, I’m Hyejin, Dr. Ahn Hyejin, he likes to call doctors by their names and honestly, I won’t stop him. He’s very shy and also has peculiar humour, so try not to act shocked.”

“Wait for a second,” Jihoon looked up the chart, confused with things his brain wasn’t processing, both because of the data and the doctor. Her voice was softer than he had expected, definitely softer than yesterday when they met her during the tour. He looked at her before the elevator reached their floor. She stepped out of it first and he followed suit. “He has this dysfunction in his cells and he’s so young. Does this also mean he has massive heart failure, he-”

“He’s impressive, really strong and positive like no other” Dr. Ahn interrupted him offering a gentle smile, and when she spoke, her voice reflected a mix of empathy and sadness that made Jihoon uncomfortable. “His parents own a farm, so he was always eating on the healthier side, he has practised sports and has been dancing all his life. His heart was really strong despite the dysfunction, he is an exception. However, that meant that it took too long for the condition to be discovered. Everyone thought he just had less stamina than the rest and was just pushing himself too hard. We’ve been treating him for some years, and he was fine until a month ago when he went into cardiac arrest in the middle of practice. His diagnosis has only developed to worse and is right now second on the national transplant list. He’s on constant watch”

“But this is impossib-”

“Dr. Lee,” she interrupted facing Jihoon, letting her voice go back to the incisiveness that Jihoon was more adjusted to hearing “I’ll recommend keeping the word impossible out of your vocabulary when we talk about this patient. He doesn’t deserve that. Now, chill, please.”

She led him to the room and suddenly, her unusual voice came back loud, clear and cheerful “Good morning, Soonyoung!”

Jihoon wasn’t ready for the bright smile the boy offered Dr. Ahn. Among all the things he could think that were expected to happen on his first day, these were just a little too off, but yet exciting. But for real, was there an expectation?

“Good morning Hyejin,” he said adjusting his bed to sit down properly and then shifting his gaze to look at Jihoon. “Oh, new doctor, hey there.”

“Right,” Hyejin moved aside to let Jihoon step beside her, “Dr. Lee?”

“Uh,” Jihoon felt uncomfortable at the attention being flipped to him “I’m Dr. Lee Jihoon.”

“Hi, Jihoon,” there was that bright smile again that puffed his cheeks and extended up to his slanted eyes. It was a sight to behold if Jihoon was honest. He watched the patient's lips move, but the smile remained intact.

“Jihoon,” Dr. Ahn touched his shoulder, she was grinning at him, “he asked you a question.”

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t hear” he felt the heat rise tinting his cheeks and ears. _ You aren’t here to admire the way this boy’s facial muscles made a smile look stunning. Concentrate, you are his doctor, _he thought.

“I was just asking if you were a cardiologist like Hyejin” Soonyoung laughed.

“Well,” Dr. Ahn ーHyejinーstepped forward with her stethoscope, “I think Jihoon is having a bit of trouble right now, so I’ll tell you.” Jihoon couldn’t help but hope the earth would swallow him right there, right now. “Dr. Lee is an intern in surgery, he’s on my service today. This is a teaching hospital, and you’re going to be seeing a lot of interns these days, but I first need to ask you for your permission.”

“It’s okay, I’d love to be of help,” Soonyoung said, the smile still on his face.

“I’ll be sure to have only the best interns around,” Hyejin got closer to Soonyoung’s bed to and asked him to sit. “I just hope not all of them react like Dr. Lee."

“I wouldn’t mind if you bring Jihoon along again,” Soonyoung said looking briefly at Jihoon and then winked at Hyejin who moved her head in disbelief, opening the patient’s robe to reveal his bare chest and auscultate. 

“Someone’s confident today. Now, Jihoon,” Hyejin called him and he almost dropped the chart in hand. The heat in his face too evident as he tried to avoid Soonyoung’s eyes and bare chest. “Come and listen.”

He put the chart aside and got closer with his stethoscope to hear Soonyoung’s heartbeat, he heard Hyejin tell Soonyoung “I think you made him a little nervous.”

Soonyoung chuckled and Jihoon jumped at the augmented sound, “I like the disrupting effect I have on normal functioning hearts.”

Jihoon heard Hyejin laugh while she told Jihoon some data to keep in mind. He tried to act cool despite the blush he could feel on his own face, and for the rest of the visit, he decided to keep as quiet as he could and let Dr. Ahn do the talking. Soonyoung was very persistent, he kept asking questions to Jihoon, giving him looks and just overall making sure that Jihoon saw him. By the end of their visit, Jihoon barely had words to offer to the other patients. Soonyoung's eyes and voice were all he could think about.

….

Finally lunchtime, he slumped into the seat next to Jun and Wonwoo who were discussing their first patients. Jun had to drain a smelly and gross abscess after making a joke that Dr. Choi didn't like. Wonwoo was on Dr. Yoon's service, meaning he had to see and listen to him flirt with all the patients. He wanted to keep the experience with his first patient to himself, but when Dr. Ahn passed by and called him by his name saying that she expected Soonyoung not to have eaten his tongue, Jun just had to ask what she meant.

“Would you believe me if I said Dr. Ahn asked me to call her Hyejin and that the patient just was something else?” he sighed, relieved that he wasn’t in that room anymore, but disappointed at himself. He was still blushing and feeling completely defeated "I think he was flirting with me".

“Please don't tell us you got a boner,” Jun's voice was playful, and was followed by Wonwoo's grin. “It was your first patient!”

“Actually, that sounds like a patient Dr. Yoon would love to have"

Jihoon laughed along imagining the whole situation of having those two flirting together. “I just wasn’t expecting her to be nice, let alone to have a patient call me by my name. He was a nice guy, though” Jihoon softened thinking about Soonyoung's gaze on him or how he would repeatedly say his name. Even if it was just playful joking, it made a good impression. He shook his head trying to forget about that for a moment, Hyejin warned him about this. He couldn't get distracted by just a little attention. So he dropped a bomb “He is waiting for a heart transplant.”

“Are you for real?” Wonwoo almost spit his salad out, “Does this mean we might get to scrub in a heart transplant WITH DR. AHN HYEJIN?”

“Excuse me?” Joshua cleared his voice from behind, and the three of them just shut up waiting to be scolded. “A patient’s medical situation isn’t something you all should be bragging or getting happy about it.”

“Sorry, Dr. Hong,” Wonwoo offered lowering his head. The other two concentrated on their food and trying to avoid tension.

“It’s fine, you guys, just be careful about where you mention those things. Mind if I sit here?” the three of them shook their heads letting the attendant sit. “So, Lee, I heard you met Soonyoung today?”

Jihoon nodded "You know him?"

“He’s a great guy,” Joshua looked at him if he knew him a bit better he could even tell there was a hint of playfulness in them, but he brushed it off and let Jun turn the conversation back at the disgusting abscess Dr. Choi made him drain.

….

**DAY 7**

The week spent in Dr. Ahn’s service surpassed all the expectations Jihoon had. She was very sharp, borderline rude to him, but will never hesitate to tell him when she was impressed with his capabilities. Jihoon was a straight As a student and cardiothoracic surgery was his priority path, however, what made it even better was the patients. One in particular. Dr. Ahn had several patients she only had for a day or two, controlled their EKGs, monitors or had right now under control, so she spent a lot of time around her one favourite patient, Soonyoung. Jihoon noticed that she wasn’t the only one, Joshua also was to be found at Soonyoung’s room at random times. At first, Jihoon thought they were only around because they knew Soonyoung meant a big surgery case for them, until the last day of his service with Dr. Ahn. 

“Soonyoung really likes you,” she said while they were heading out of the hospital. “I haven’t seen him so talkative in a long time, and it seems like you also only talk when you’re around him.”

“I mean,” Jihoon said clicking his car keys “Don’t you all do? He’s like a really big case for you, isn’t it?”

Hyejin stopped right in her tracks, she looked bewildered and Jihoon feared his poor choice of words. “Are you implying he’s just a case?”

“That’s not what I meant, but-”

“Listen to me Lee,” she smirked looking straight into his eyes, taking small steps cornering him. Jihoon couldn’t tell if she was about to scold him of mock him, but he shivered when she clicked her tongue. “If you think we are here to treat cases and not patients, that’s your choice, but let me tell you one thing. You have probably only learned this from books, you have no idea how much a disease and hospital stay can affect a young person, let alone a person like Soonyoung. This kid has been coming back to the hospital for the past four years. I’ve seen him and his parents slowly fall apart with every little piece of bad news we give them. Do you think he’s just a transplant case? I tell you how much worse it got when we gave him the news. You see that smiling, bubbly, playful boy laying in that bed, you haven’t have had to deliver him any diagnoses. You haven’t got to see the light in those eyes disappear. It’s not a sight you want to see. He’s emotionally in a good place right now, don’t you just talk because you haven’t had seen past that brave image he puts out to the world. First thing you’re going to learn is, we don’t treat patients as cases, and if you’re implying that Soonyoung is just one more case and that the only important thing for you here is to get to scrub in on a surgery, you’re banned from my service.”

She ended her speech having Jihoon fully cornered against a car, her eyes filled with fire and fixed on him. She looked terrifying, Jihoon was certain she heard him gulping loud and clear. She took a step back and walked to her car on the opposite side of Jihoon. He stayed there, still transfixed and wondering how to respond to that. 

“Oh, one more thing,” she said getting into the car. “He doesn’t give those heart eyes to everyone, so if I were you, I’d do my best to reconsider.”

Jihoon stood walked towards his car feeling awkward. When he saw her car disappear in the distance, he reflected on her last words. He had also noticed Soonyoung was giving him a different look, the realization made him smile. This may have been his last day in Dr. Ahn's service for now, but not his last day seeing Soonyoung.

….

**Day 21**

“Dr. Ahn has a thing for Jihoon,” Jun was telling a very jealous Wonwoo who had been complaining that he wasn’t getting in Dr. Ahn’s service. They both knew Jihoon’s preferred path, but when it came to learning, they weren’t so eager to let the favouritism slide. He wasn’t about to blame them though, after their first week, they were taking rounds on the different services, and he had been requested on Dr. Ahn's service quite often. 

“I still haven’t been able to scrub in in any surgeries, unlike you guys,” he said while taking off his clothes and changing into his scrubs. “I just think she has a different type of patience with me.”

"She does actually," Dr. Yoon walked in their room. "She takes apprenticeship very seriously and once she finds someone she likes, she becomes quite stubborn to allow other _ less qualified students _ in her service _ . _"

"She's calling us _ less qualified _?" Wonwoo replied angrily. "She hasn't even seen us!"

"Calm down," Jeonghan crossed his arms unbothered. "You're on her service today anyways, Jun's gonna be with Joshua in general surgery, and Jihoon you'll be scrubbing in with me for a tumour dissection."

"For real?" Jihoon said. Dr. Yoon Jeonghan was the head of neurosurgery and although this area didn't particularly call him in any way, he couldn't hide his excitement. Dr. Yoon left and his friends just stared with their mouths open.

"Man, your luck is something else," Jun said getting ready to leave. 

….

Surgery with Dr. Yoon was exciting, the usual cheekiness in his eyes turned into pure determination. He showed Jihoon all the images of the tumour, it was a fast-growing grade II meningioma. The prognosis looked good, they were aiming to remove it cleanly, but that was a little tricky because of all the small blood vessels attached to it, Jeonghan explained. 

All the instruments laid on the tables, ready to use. So many different things Jihoon had never seen. He watched Jeonghan sit behind the patient's head and stretch his neck before asking for the drill. Once he created an open, he moved slowly, showing the things his camera had access to, signalling the parts of the brain as he was passing. Jihoon watched in awe the steadiness in his hands. Jeonghan explained a few things, like how this surgery was aimed to help this 30-year-old patient end his sudden seizures. He asked Jihoon to take close looks and offered random advice on which things to avoid to prevent damage. The brain was something intricate and extremely delicate. Jihoon just felt as if he had seen something incredible, none of the minor surgeries he had been doing in med school compared to having seen a real one now. 

The surgery went fast and without any complications. Jeonghan smiled in satisfaction once he took the mass out and asked Jihoon to assist the closing. 

He was too excited after it, his hands aching to experience surgery by themselves. Jeonghan cleared him after their rounds, and he found himself wanting only to tell Soonyoung about this, he had also been rooting to know about his first surgery. Still, Jihoon wasn't sure if he should be visiting him, he was his doctor, not his friend. But he was allowed to make friends, right? He changed his clothes ready to leave but decided to take a route past Soonyoung's room. He tried to avoid looking at his room, he was just walking past and if Soonyoung noticed him, he was going to talk to him. But he heard Wonwoo´s laugh inside and soon he bumped into him and Dr. Ahn at the door.

"Ah, Jihoon," Dr. Ahn looked at him with a grin that was all too knowingly "Aren't you supposed to be on Dr. Yoon's service today?"

Jihoon put his sweaty hands inside the pockets of his jacket. He definitely wasn't expecting to see Dr. Ahn here, she usually visited Soonyoung earlier. "I-, He said I could leave and I was just on my way to the parking lot."

Wonwoo and Hyejin looked at him, both sporting different looks, his friend confused and Hyejin smirked. Jihoon wasn't sure, but he swore he saw her wink when she spun around and spoke to Soonyoung.

"Hey, Soonie, I think you have another visitor today," she patted Jihoon's shoulder and muttered a _ have fun _.

_ Another? _ he thought as he walked inside. An older couple was sitting on the couch in the room. 

"Hi Jihoon," Soonyoung's smile was as bright and welcoming as ever. "These are my parents."

"Um, hello" he bowed, hands still in his pockets. "I'm Jihoon."

Soonyoung's parents both smiled at him, smiles so bright and similar you could tell they were family, but his mother's eyes resembled his son's making Jihoon stare longer at her, they were pure warmth.

She held Jihoon's eyes for a moment before speaking. "Ah, Jihoon, Soonyoung has told us a lot about you. You're young and indeed so handsome."

"Mum!" Soonyoung face palmed himself, and Jihoon noticed his cheeks were blushing slightly. It made him laugh, _ this shameless ass. Where's all his confidence now? _ He almost forgot the awkwardness he was feeling. "Anyways, what brings you here? You were not with Hyejin today."

It was Jihoon's turn to blush, he didn't want to admit he was here to just let Soonyoung know about surgery, it all made no sense now that they weren't alone. 

"Dr. Ahn mentioned you were going to assist your first surgery today," Soonyoung's dad broke the silence. 

Jihoon didn't hide his confusion "Did she?"

"Yeah, we asked if the doctor that was with her was you," he replied. "Soonyoung has mentioned you a few times, so we were wondering when we saw him with her."

"And then," Soonyoung's mum continued, smiling, looking first at Jihoon and then at Soonyoung. He couldn't decipher the expression in her eyes. "Soonyoung asked why were you not here. But I see you found a way after all."

Jihoon didn't need to look at Soonyoung to know that his cheeks were probably as pink as his own. Jihoon hated the moment they locked eyes with each other, they felt again like embarrassed teenagers. Soonyoung mumbled an _ I'm sorry _, and Jihoon decided to answer to cut the tension.

“I was just assisting the surgery,” he smiled. "How long are you two in town for?" 

"Not for long," Soonyoung's mother held his son's hand. "We're just here today for a quick visit and see when is he going to be released."

"Yeah, the wait can be very long," Jihoon said. "But I'm certain we will soon find a h-"

"Oh, no!" Soonyoung's face contorted as he held a hand to his chest and everyone in the room stopped for a second. "My chest hurts."

"What's wrong Soonyoung?" He rushed to Soonyoung's side, quickly screaming to a nurse to page Dr. Ahn. Jihoon asked his parents to step aside and quickly dropped the inclination on Soonyoung's bed and opened his shirt, all in a quick motion while keeping his eyes on the machines. 

"Jihoon, no, stop" Soonyoung whispered.

Jihoon looked at him in confusion as a running Dr. Ahn ran to the room followed by Wonwoo, who kindly asked Soonyoung's parents to step outside the room. 

Dr. Ahn was about to fight Jihoon to leave when Wonwoo closed the door and Soonyoung asked them to stop. 

"I'M FINE" he tried to whisper loud. "It's just that my parents don't know Jihoon!"

"What?" Hyejin and Jihoon asked at the same time, jumping to give him space.

Soonyoung sat down and heaved a long shaky sigh. "They don't know about the transplant, Jihoon"

"And you decided to fake heart failure to avoid it?" Jihoon felt a knot on his stomach, trying to keep his anger and confusion in control. 

"This is not okay Soonyoung," Hyejin pinched him on the arm. "Wonwoo, tell them it's nothing, we will be out in a second."

Both doctors turned to look at Soonyoung, but he didn't look up to meet either of their eyes."I know, I just panicked" 

Jihoon sighed, pushing his anger away to speak with a calmer voice. He didn't need to tell Soonyoung how wrong he was to have done what he did. "I'm sorry, Soonyoung. I didn't know."

"I hate you two," Hyejin pinched the bridge of her nose. The annoyance was evident in her voice. "Okay, Soonyoung, you have 2 minutes to explain everything to Jihoon, I'll talk to your parents in the meanwhile."

"But, wouldn't it be weird if I stay?"

Hyejin smirked at them, and Jihoon was suddenly afraid he had asked. "You think they don't notice anything between you two?" 

She left the room leaving a heavy tension between them. Jihoon sat by the bed and looked at Soonyoung.

"I'm sorry again," he said, he didn’t want to press Soonyoung but also didn’t want to mess up again. "We only have two minutes."

Soonyoung explained everything, how he didn't want anyone in his family to know. They were farmers living in the countryside, they would try to move their whole world just to help, but truth was, that there was nothing they could do. They knew he had a chronic disease, but he was careful enough to not worry them too much. They had already suffered too much over the past years. He enjoyed seeing them visit, he would often lie about being admitted in the hospital here for a day or two at the time. Then he would say he had work the next day and he was okay enough. It pained him to lie to his parents, but he didn't want them to go through bigger pain already.

"It's hard to keep it to yourself alone, Soons." Jihoon tentatively put a hand on Soonyoung's leg and squeezed it lightly. "Who's with you?"

Soonyoung looked puzzled for a second, before softening his eyes at Jihoon. "I'm okay, I have Joshua and Hyejin, and now I guess I have you, too."

Jihoon smiled back, "yeah, I'd like to be a friend as well."

Soonyoung's smile faltered slightly, but then his parents entered the room again. Neither Hyejin nor Wonwoo were in sight. Jihoon kept his smile and eyes on Soonyoung, although the latter was concentrated on reassuring his parents that he was okay. He was alluring, Jihoon thought and he knew he was staring, but he just wished he could hold onto this sight of Soonyoung forever. Not because he was beautiful, the knowledge of the pain behind his eye smile was too present, but because this was the moment Jihoon's heart just beat admitting a feeling. He wanted to keep Soonyoung safe, tell him every day that he wasn't alone. He wanted to stay and take care of him, but Soonyoung was okay on his own and with his parents now. 

He stood up and took a step back, taking the scene one more time. Soonyoung smiling and his parents close. That was all he needed to know it wasn't his cue to leave. "I'll be going"

"No, Jihoon, please" Mrs. Kwon stopped him. "Why don't you have dinner with us? We brought some of Soonyoung's favourites."

Soonyoung looked at him and shrugged with a smile, and Jihoon decided to stay. 

He drove home that night with his stomach full and heart warm, laughing out loud sometimes remembering one or another of Soonyoung's childhood memories. Mr. and Mrs. Kwon were easy to talk to, Jihoon had no problem opening up to laugh with them. Stealing glances with Soonyoung trying to get enough of the bliss in his smile and the shine on his eyes. 

He got home still thinking about Soonyoung, hoping he didn't misread Soonyoung's expression when he said he wanted to be his friend. A slight change on his smile was something he wasn't expecting but kept circling his mind because he already knew he wanted more. Would Soonyoung want the same? He wanted to give Soonyoung everything. For now, though, he was happy with just getting to see him. 

….

**Day 31**

Hyejin kept him away from cardio for a week. A few exciting things had been happening in the last days. A big accident that kept everyone busy, concussions, broken arms and legs, a few confused people and all the doctors trying to make sure the patients didn't move and got the proper care. They needed all the hands they could get to help with that.

She had restricted Jihoon’s visits to Soonyoung as well. He was only allowed after his shifts, and to be honest, it didn’t bother him, he still didn't waste any minute to talk to him. They would often talk about the surgeries that had taken place, the ones he was allowed to watch, the patients he had to see. Soonyoung often teased him about things Jihoon did to patients. Jihoon enjoyed telling him that he didn't treat all patients like he treated him, eyes intently on Soonyoung’s when he stated that.

They sat to watch Soonyoung’s dancing videos. He had folders with tons of videos of him dancing different songs. He was extremely passionate about it, sometimes going through other people’s videos to let Jihoon know what things inspired him. Perhaps Jihoon also wanted to tell Soonyoung how inspiring he was for him and how much he treasured the moments when his eyes sparkled with joy because of dancing or the times he recreated or choreographed something out of the blue, his body swiftly moving in mesmerizing motions. Soonyoung’s muscle control was something he often praised him. Jihoon never got tired of seeing the way his body went from almost mayhem to total stillness. Soonyoung was so passionate about his choreographies, also too exigent with himself, pointing minimal things that he could improve. Jihoon never failed to tell him that he thought he did perfectly, but that he knew better than him what perfection in dance was. 

They even shared notes, once Jihoon found out once about Soonyoung’s choreography notebook, Soonyoung hag suggested Jihoon show him something more about himself. Initially, he thought of bringing his notebook with surgical and medical notes but then thought of the little old notebook that meant so much for him. His lyric book. Jihoon loved music, loved writing music, but nowadays, more than music, they were like poetry. Words that often meant so much of him, he chose to keep away from the world. It was a vulnerable move, but Soonyoung made him feel safe and accepted, so he took his chance.

Jihoon traced the outlines of the sketches of a choreography Soonyoung had drawn on the notebook. Little notes and messy drawings, on the verge of incomprehensible for him, but still a part of Soonyoung. Although messy and a little chaotic, it was full of passion. He thought about how putting all of this together, knowing how his body ached to perform it felt for him now that he wasn’t able to do it. 

“Jihoon,” Jihoon hummed in response and looked up to see Soonyoung watching his notebook with adoration. “Jihoon, this is incredible. I wish I could hear you sing these. I get the feeling that if you ever made these actual songs, I would dance to them.”

“Thank you,” Jihoon smiled, a certain load was being lifted from him and being replaced with the usual simple warmth and content Soonyoung gave him. “This is awesome, as well, but I really think I need your help to read it better.”

Soonyoung’s giggles echoed in his heart. “Yeah, everyone has trouble figuring out my notes. Let me show you.”

They sat often close, Jihoon felt comfortable sitting next to Soonyoung when they shared time together, bodies close, hands often brushing against each other’s and sending warm waves through Jihoon’s body. They both acted innocent at their touches, and kept a comfortable light atmosphere most of the time, only to be broken by some playful teasing. 

Occasionally, the tension between teasing was increasing at a speed Jihoon liked to keep up to. Soonyoung often swallowed his shyness away, and Jihoon liked the person he was when he was with Soonyoung. It always surprised Jihoon how easy Soonyoung would spill thoughts and, not too seldom, he wondered if Soonyoung meant what he said. 

"Do you often run to patients and open their shirts without hesitation in front of their parents?" Soonyoung teased, playfully kicking Jihoon who was sitting on the bed close to his legs.

Jihoon looked at him confused, Soonyoung kept his eyes on his computer, so the doctor decided to laugh alone. “What do you mean?”

“Remember that day my parents were here and ugh, well,” Soonyoung kept his eyes too much on the screen, he was definitely avoiding Jihoon’s eyes, but Jihoon was already grinning at the sight of the pink tinting his cheeks. “You acted so fast. It was hot.”

Jihoon chuckled but didn’t move, enjoying the sight of the embarrassed Soonyoung. “You know, doctors don’t like to waste time.”

“Now, that’s a confusing statement” Soonyoung fidgeted with his fingers, smiling down at them. 

“How?”

“You still waste a lot of our time,” Soonyoung answered, smile turning bitter. 

Jihoon adjusted his position on the bed, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. “I don’t follow, Soonyoung.”

“I don’t know,” Soonyoung shrugged, but Jihoon could feel he was weighing his words inside his mind “you take long to realize how I feel about you.”

His eyes finally met Jihoon’s wide-open ones. There was a surprise, but only at how forward he was. “Are you running short of time?” 

Soonyoung pushed the wheeled table with his computer aside to sit more comfortably and heaved a long painful sigh. “You know I might be running out of time.”

Jihoon knew he couldn’t fight the expression forming on his face to keep it neutral, it didn’t hide that he was angry at that statement, or maybe sad, or maybe something made him feel a certain disgust inside. He hated that he knew exactly what Soonyoung meant, he never wished Soonyoung thought about this. None of these heavy thoughts that he was feeling was directed at Soonyoung, but rather the situation. He had already grown used to Soonyoung being playful and taking everything with impressive humour but always noticing how he would swallow the negativity deep to keep it hidden from the rest. Ever since the day Hyejin punched him with words about the importance of thinking Soonyoung was capable of anything, he himself has pushed these thoughts out of his mind. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter, because what he was feeling toward the whole situation, didn’t reflect on Soonyoung’s real feelings. He hated that he had never really asked Soonyoung about it, always feeling like his medical condition was the big elephant in the room, but a topic no one wanted to touch.

He moved to sit close, eyes on Soonyoung's as he held his fidgeting hands. “What makes you feel and think like this Soonyoung?”

Soonyoung kept quiet, too quiet for a long time before squeezing Jihoon’s hands. “I’m just frustrated.” he breathed. “I’m frustrated because I like you and I don’t know if you like me back.”

Jihoon moved one hand to move Soonyoung by the chin and make him look up. “That’s not an excuse for saying that.”

Soonyoung closed his eyes, the tears brimming out, he let his head fall and squeezed Jihoon’s hand tighter. 

“Talk to me Soonyoung” he tried to wipe the tears of one of his cheeks with his free hand, but Soonyoung shook his head and began sobbing louder. Jihoon grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled his head toward his shoulder, patting his back softly until Soonyoung nuzzled against his neck. He finally took one long breath and began to calm down. Jihoon slowly surrounded him with his arms, careful not to move any of the wires close to his chest.

Soonyoung's pout was almost audible when he finally spoke. "I'm sorry," Jihoon chose not to respond, eager to listen. "It's really just frustration. I feel like I could leave any moment and never know if you feel the same. I hate not to understand you."

Jihoon hugged him tighter, "I didn't want to rush anything Soonyoung, I also didn't know about this." He broke the hug, seeking the other’s eyes. Soonyoung quickly covered his face, but Jihoon held his hands, finger lacing with Soonyoung's. "I want to tell you that you're being egoistic and insensitive for saying what you did, but I guess I never really tried to see it in any other way than mine. It would be a lie if I say I’ve tried to see it from your point of view because I’m not experiencing the same as you. I'm supposed to be your doctor, you know. It's not ethical to like, let alone date a patient, and there's no manual for what to do in these cases. I’m just clueless sometimes"

Soonyoung finally smiled, "you always need instructions, don't you?"

“Yes and no,” Jihoon smiled meeting his eyes. “Yes, sometimes I need a manual to understand what people really mean, I’m not good at reading other people’s actions. And no because that would mean to have to ask a superior too, and I’d be a little afraid to ask Hyejin.”

Both laughed at that, Soonyoung’s eyes still red and puffy, but no tears were falling. Jihoon’s hands didn’t doubt to cup Soonyoung’s face once again. He was loving feeling his cheeks and warmth, especially when Soonyoung closed his eyes and leaned to the touch. 

“I like you, too,” Jihoon whispered, barely audible, he was nervous to say it out loud, although the feeling had been growing inside his chest for long. He was growing nervous at Soonyoung’s silence.

“What?” Soonyoung said, eyes still closed and turning slowly to kiss the palm of one of Jihoon’s hands. 

_ Beautiful, _ Jihoon thought. Soonyoung was always beautiful in his eyes. He replayed the first day and how his smile had stunned him. Looking back, that smile and those jokes where a way to try to make the environment less awkward. There were way too many people always coming in to check on his body. Too many people seeing his body and him as a case, therefore, Jihoon thought, his jokes were probably a way to remind people that he too was human and much more than just a case. Jihoon remembered all the times he had gone home thinking about Soonyoung, how he slowly became attached to him (a little afraid as well,- to the point he had to stop himself some days just to not show that he needed it). His heart jumped at the memory of the first time he thought he liked him. _ He’s still as beautiful as the first day. _

“Can I kiss you?” his body didn’t wait for an answer, acting on his own and lips first kissing Soonyoung’s forehead and then softly brushing his lips. Soonyoung placed his hands over his. The kiss was tender and warm, none of them pushed it further. Jihoon felt his heart beat faster and could hear the monitor’s sounds going faster as well, he smiled into their kiss.

“If I don’t speak,” Soonyoung laughed “that damned machine will always give me away.”

….

**DAY 32**

Jihoon’s went overdrive every time he thought about the kiss. It felt so right, yet he had so many questions about Soonyoung, questions he needed to talk to someone else. He swallowed all his pride and asked Hyejin to meet after work. She looked at him in disbelief but accepted. They meet at the hospital’s cafeteria, she still had a patient to keep monitoring in post-op.

She sat in from of him, eyes not showing much interest. Jihoon didn’t know how to start a conversation with her, especially when he looked up to her as a surgeon, not precisely a friend. He was struggling to find the right words to start the conversation. He wasn’t asking her for permission to date Soonyoung, nor he was about to confide her about his love life, yet that was exactly what he was about to do. He was regretting having called her, but her eyes softened.

“I guess that a reason for why Soonyoung means so much to me is because he reminds me a lot of my wife,” she smiled looking at the coffee mug in her hands. “Wheein feels everything so intensely. I don’t want to say she fell in love before I did, because I definitely fell for her first, but I was so afraid of showing her my feelings. I thought she was always so changing, some days so happy, some other days everything was negative. She never really told me much about it, saying I shouldn’t worry. She tried to keep it chill and I would just think everything was going great, while she was feeling all these things keeping them away from me and expecting me to read her mind.”

She stopped when she noticed Jihoon’s eyes blinking in confusion at her story, he was blank. She laughed at his face. “Don’t tell me you think I don’t have feelings. I just don’t wear my ring because I’m a surgeon. I know you called to tell me something, and I can only guess it’s about Soonyoung. Let me explain why am I telling you this. Soonyoung feels just as Wheein does, they can’t help it. They are intense and they need to show their feelings when they have them and if they can’t, they’ll hide it. They get attached and once they do, they just need different things than we do. They try to make us always feel like it’s okay. If we give them little, it’s fine for us. Like, I could go with just a little, just her tiny appreciations and acts that showed me that she was interested in me. I never thought that she needed more because I didn’t and she wasn’t very into talking about her expectations on me. She never missed a chance to let me know she liked me and I doubted each of my chances because I wasn’t sure. I think you Jihoon, are just like me and if you like him, you probably need to start seeing things from a different perspective that maybe isn’t the one you’re comfortable with. Maybe talk about each other’s expectations and settle what you can give and what you want.”

“That hits home,” Jihoon laughed, relaxing his shoulders, glad that Hyejin had made the environment so light. “Soonyoung does that as well. I think you all noticed even before I did.”

“Yeah,” Hyejin sipped her coffee. “Joshua and I talked about it, Soonyoung was into you fast.”

“How did you and your wife work it out?” Jihoon asked, “Soonyoung just exploded and I didn’t know what to do and I don’t want to hurt him in the future.”

“She did that too, and called me a “fuck-girl” Jihoon laughed at that, Hyejin followed. “But in the end, she apologized, we talked and we understood we had some work to do to figure each other out if we wanted to be together. I liked her so much.”

“Have you two been together for long?” 

“Two years married, but,” Hyejin said, “but, I need to ask you something.” Jihoon nodded and she continued. “Are you really into him?”

“Yes,” Jihoon didn’t hesitate.

“Then be patient with his feelings,” Hyejin sighed “I’m not gonna ask what he told you, and although I hate that I’m going to be giving you unwanted advice and make you feel like you’re getting into something big. Just really watch out for him and his little nuances. I don’t say you have to understand everything. You aren’t supposed to read his mind, but try to make him communicate more often. Soonyoung has great pain inside and he hardly ever shares it.”

“Hyejin,” Jihoon’s voice sounded a little too small, but at the mention of Soonyoung’s pain, he had the urge to share a thought and get confirmation. “He said he was running out of time, but he isn’t, right?”

One of her hands reached Jihoon’s, he almost winced at the action, Hyejin didn’t linger and offered instead a reassuring smile. “He’s fine. You know we monitor him closely.”

…. 

**DAY 45**

Joshua sat beside Soonyoung, they looked very serious talking to each other, until Soonyoung kicked him and they both burst into laughter, the sound breaking even the hallway and Jihoon, who was getting a few things Dr. Choi had asked for, smiled looking at them from the nurse station. 

Dr. Choi, or rather Seungcheol, was an orthopaedic surgeon. The guy had muscles and the tough appearance, will pop a bone back or break one in a snap. He almost looked scary, but his eyes matched his heart that was just too pure and simple, always checking on his patients for longer than normal and talking with them making sure they were heard and well treated. On the times Jihoon had been on his service, there was not a single time someone hadn't left a small gift for him at the nurse station. Always a patient saying thank you. He soon learned that Seungcheol was treating patients usually for free when he knew they couldn't afford it. He also was a great friend, letting Jihoon go to the nursery station often just to be able to get a glimpse of Soonyoung's smile, and often asking Jihoon about his feelings and life, although he knew answers didn't come easy. 

Jihoon had just come back with a set of casts to try on a patient with a broken leg, and Seungcheol was stretching his body post-surgery. He asked a nurse to please put the cast on the patient and asked Jihoon to follow him outside. "News runs fast in this hospital," he squinted at the sudden sunlight. "I heard you're dating a patient."

"That's not your business," Jihoon didn't reply bluntly, he was just stating the obvious.

"Come on Jihoon," Seungcheol pouted. "Why do you trust Hyejin more than me?"

Jihoon had to laugh at that. Did people really think he trusts Hyejin that much? He was often around her, so they were acquainted with each other more than with others, but he was mostly scared of her. “What do you want Seungcheol?”

“Ah, don’t be so rude,” he answered pretending to be hurt. Jihoon rolled his eyes at him. “I just wanted to invite to tonight’s party. Jeonghan, Joshua, Hyejin, Jun, Wonwoo and Yongsun, and Byulyi are coming.”

“I’ll try to be there,” Jihoon answered, not very sure since he didn’t know some of the other doctors coming. “Are you all celebrating something?”

“Not really, it’s just a chill thing,” the doctor added. “Try to come by, it will be fun.”

….

Jihoon texted Soonyoung after Wonwoo jumped in the car, Jun was already sitting next to him. They didn’t duel much on who was going to be the designated driver, Jihoon was meeting Soonyoung parents tomorrow at noon, so he didn’t feel like getting wasted. Plus, Soonyoung had asked him to pick up his parents at the train station on his way to the hospital, and Jihoon gladly agreed.

“You heard Hyejin’s bringing her wife?” Jun asked lowering the radio’s volume. 

“Yeah,” Wonwoo replied, “She’s nice.”

“Yes, but have you seen Hyejin, her, Yongsun and Byulyi together? They are crazy.”

“How would you know Jun?” Jihoon asked.

“I’ve met them, trust me you will see.”

Jihoon never expected Jun to not be exaggerating, but the four women together lived in their own world. Yongsun and Byulyi were just talking alone on a couch and when Hyejin and Wheein arrived, the whole party turned into their personal reunion. If Hyejin was already sassy and sharp to speak, the energy they all gather together, had everyone drinking double the normal, just to keep up with them. They were mostly nice, trying to make everyone feel welcome, but with mischievous turns.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol made the mistake of sitting too close, and Byulyi just spit how she had once walked on them in the on-call room, they weren’t caught doing anything, but she wanted to know what was going on in there and why they were too often taking naps at the same time on those rooms. The four of them tried to mock them, but Jeonghan wasn’t another sassy ass and reminded Yongsun about a time she and Byulyi were caught on one of the maintenance rooms and although they both said nothing had happened, Yongsun’s lipstick was all over Byul’s neck and fingers.

“That’s hard to forget,” Hyejin mocked her friends. “You all forget that’s a hospital.”

“Shameless Hyejin,” Joshua added, Jihoon laughed at the antics of the other doctors. It was too easy to forget that they were people. Seeing them all like this was a weird experience. Hyejin being all over Wheein, Jeonghan and Cheol stealing kisses when they thought no one was watching, Yongsun had only stars in her eyes for Byulyi. Joshua, Wonwoo, and Jun were having a hard time avoiding all the romance in the room. He imagined how would it be for Soonyoung to join parties like this in the future. He found it hard to know when to talk, but he thought that if Soonyoung were here, he would have easily picked up the rhythm along with those he knew. A smile formed on his face as he wrote a late-night text to Soonyoung.

_ I can’t wait to have you come to these parties with me. _

….

**Day 46**

He was nervous waiting for Soonyoung’s parents at the train station’s parking lot, but as soon and they spotted him, they walked loaded with all their bag towards him sporting their usual welcoming smiles. Soonyoung’s mother pulled him into a hug without really asking, and he couldn’t say he wasn't uncomfortable at first, but she was so sweet to tell him to thank you for being there, that he relaxed and hugged her back. 

They almost stuffed the trunk of his small car, Jun and Wonwoo had left some beer boxes there as well and he was about to explain, but Soonyoung’s dad just laughed and said “I was young once too!” he smiled fitting the rest of the bags and closing the trunk. “We always make sure to bring enough food for Soonyoung.”

“He talks about your kimchi so often,” Jihoon mentioned sitting in the car.

“He’s a good boy, a really good boy.” Soonyoung’s mother replied with a rather sad smile. “Jihoon, how’s Soonie doing?”

“Good, just getting a usual check-up.” he made sure to mention that last part because Soonyoung and he agreed on telling them that it was just that, but truth was that it had taken both in surprise that they said they were coming. 

“Don’t worry Jihoonie,” she added, “We know it isn’t. We know about this all, I just want to know how he’s doing.”

Jihoon almost hit the breaks in surprise. He didn’t know what to say, because he didn’t know how much they knew not what they really meant, so he decided to just simply said what they wanted to know. 

Soonyoung’s dad cleared his throat from behind them, “Is he happy? He’s been waiting for a heart for a long time.”

Jihoon replied as reassuring as he could, trying to channel the energy Hyejin had when she was in situations like this. They ended up revealing how they knew. Because Soonyoung’s a dancer, they were all used to see him in a rather healthy body, but now his muscles, even if he was never bulky, weren’t there. He was often sad when they asked about dancing, and eventually, when they met Joshua, they asked him straight up what was going on and he gave in and told them. Jihoon was surprised because as a doctor, Joshua wasn’t allowed to reveal anything his patient didn’t want to tell. However, he wasn't his treating doctor and knowing how close as friends Hyejin and Joshua were, he wouldn’t be surprised if they had plotted this. It was hard for Soonyoung to live this all alone, and for what he heard, his parents were visiting more and more often nowadays. The new information settled uncomfortably in Jihoon's heart. He didn’t want to lie to Soonyoung, but he knew Soonyoung’s parents respected Soonyoung’s choice.

They arranged tables all around the room for the food to be served. They brought enough for the rest of the staff that casually passed around. Almost everyone got a bite of Mrs. Kwon’s kimchi, the one Soonyoung always bragged about. Mr. and Mrs. Kwon could turn any place like home. Jihoon enjoyed seeing Soonyoung getting a break on being always the one that lit up the room. Jihoon admired Soonyoung’s home. Jihoon kept looking at Soonyoung's eyes squinting as he laughed embarrassed at one of his father’s remarks, he kissed their interlaced fingers and let the warm-hearted feeling inside his chest invade him whole.

When he drove them back to the station, it was almost dark. Jihoon was still full of the happiness and domestic feeling their visit to the hospital had brought, but as the silence grew inside the car, the awareness they had on the situation kept making Jihoon wonder if he had a role to play in between. Mrs. Kwon gave him a savvy look, one that Jihoon had already associated with her. She was a very sensible and perceptive woman, he imagined that hardly anything went past her.

“I’m not comfortable with lying to Soonyoung,” he finally stated, a little nervous, but the smile Soonyoung’s dad gave him made him relax a little.

“We wouldn’t ask you to,” he said. “He’s an adult, and if this is what he wants, then we won’t stop him. He’s wise enough to let us know when he knows it’s time.”

Jihoon got off the car at the parking lot to hug them goodbye, and Mrs. Kwon put a small package on his hands. “You make him very happy Jihoon,” she said, the tenderness in her eyes made them shine, it was almost too bright for Jihoon to take. “It’s small, but we wanted to show you how grateful we are. He’s been much better since you’re around and we can tell you love him a lot. He’s a very lucky boy to have you.”

She finally pulled him into a hug, Jihoon responded it without a doubt. He muttered a thank you and watched them pick up their bags and disappear inside a train. The small package sat on his car next to him, he waited until he was home to open it. Gently wrapped in paper, was a surgical cap, dark blue and with tiny yellow stars. A little note was attached and Jihoon chuckled thinking how Mrs. Kwon’s writing was so much neater than her son’s. 

_ “Soonyoung’s stage name is Hoshi. It means star in Japanese, and we think you’re also a star in his universe.” _

Jihoon packed it in his backpack, he was ready to use it on his next surgery.

….

**DAY 56**

Joshua had requested him to be on his service earlier that day. They didn’t have much to do other than checking patients, taking some stitches off some patients and seeing their recovery, until an emergency patient presented appendicitis symptoms. Joshua explained to the patient quickly that she was there on time and they would have to operate. A simple procedure, almost casual. Before she was rushed for preparation, he made sure to request her for permission for it to be a teaching operation. This was going to be Jihoon’s actual first chance to operate himself. 

An appendectomy is a regular easy procedure, but it still made him nervous and excited to begin operating. He texted Soonyoung about it and then went straight to the OR. Joshua was waiting for him sitting down and checking the patient's abdomen. He made Jihoon do a fast check-up of the procedure’s steps and looked satisfied when he recited them without missing a detail. His eyes hinted a smile, before handing a scalpel. “First surgery on your own Dr. Lee, let’s get it”

After surgery Jihoon was feeling so proud of himself. It took them about an hour, but not bad for his first time. He walked almost dancing towards Soonyoung’s room. 

“First surgery Dr. Lee!” Soonyoung greeted him with his usual smile and Jihoon allowed himself to give him a quick peck on the lips. “How did it go?”

“It was amazing Soonyoung.” He heard his tone raising up a tone with enthusiasm. Soonyoung listened profusely, not really asking questions, letting Jihoon explain the surgery in detail. Only when he was halfway explaining how they removed the appendix, did he noticed Soonyoung’s eyes looking around, probably processing information because he was using too much vocabulary that was specialized, and stopped. “I’m sorry, is this too much?”

“No, not at all.” Soonyoung smiled. “I just was trying to picture everything.”

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon repeated, “but thank you for listening.”

“Don’t thank me Jihoon, I love listening to your stories. Now tell me more, is she gonna have big scars?”

“No, no, the procedure is little invasive, so she will just have tiny scars. If her skin is prone to recover fast, they will almost be invisible.”

Soonyoung reached to touch his cheek, their eyes meeting and tenderness overflowing. This was a happy day, a very happy day for Jihoon. His lips reached for Soonyoung’s before he actually processed the action. 

“You’re going to be the best surgeon,” Soonyoung said in between kisses, content also pouring from his words. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m so happy,” he grabbed Soonyoung’s hands in his, finger interlacing. Soonyoung’s smile grew impossibly bigger and brighter, Jihoon’s heart was beating faster just at the sight. “I’m so lucky, to be here, to be doing this and to have you.”

“Happy Jihoonie is my favourite Jihoonie”

“You know, I’m not good at talking, but I’m really happy to have you. Sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve all of what you give me.”

“I’m really happy to have you too" Soonyoung’s smile turned down a little, behind his eyes Jihoon read a little sadness, he placed another kiss on his lips and then his cheek. "am I stupid if I feel like I am the one who doesn’t deserve you?”

“Yes, yes you are” Jihoon laughed. “Because I told you I like you the way you’re. You make me the happiest by being you. People around you often say that you’re such a nice person and they have fun with you. You make almost every adverse situation seem like no big deal. Sometimes I wish I could do half of what you do.”

Soonyoung pushed his chest lightly and laughed, the light coming back to his eyes. “That’s too cute, stop it.”

“If I still get to see you smile like that, it’s worth it.”

“So you can be cheesy too, uh?”

“But don’t tell anyone”

“Stop looking at me with those eyes, that’s too cute.”

“Make me”

Soonyoung pulled him into a hug, and Jihoon easily returned it. Inside of him, his heart just wanted to leave his body and surround Soonyoung completely with his love, melt into each other for a moment. He was cheesy even in his thoughts, but Soonyoung just made it so easy for him to love him. To love him? Yes, to love him.

Recognizing a feeling like this was hard to grasp, especially considering time. _ Why do I care about time? _ He felt it now, and he was confident about it. Could that be wrong?

Before wondering further on it, he kissed Soonyoung slowly, feeling the smoothness and affection of the kiss. 

“I love you,” it was a whisper, but audibly enough for it not to be missed. Soonyoung’s body relaxed at his words, pushing him away to look into his eyes. Jihoon could see stars in them, like the ones on his cap, but brighter, like the ones of a clear night sky. He made a mental note to take Soonyoung to see the stars somewhere far from the contaminated city sky. Soonyoung kissed him again, gently, his thumbs running along Jihoon’s cheeks.

“I love you, too”

….

**DAY 60**

“Can you close the door?” Soonyoung sat on his bed, feet on the ground and a hand forward for Jihoon to grab. For the last few days, he had been breathing uneasily. Sometimes to the point he almost coughed his lungs out. Problem was that his heart wasn’t pumping enough blood for his lungs to properly breathe, so now he had to breathe with the support of an oxygen tank. Luckily, as Soonyoung had told Jihoon, it was only a little clear wire attached to his nostrils, keeping his handsome face still very visible. Jihoon grabbed his hand and Soonyoung quickly pulled him closer into a hug, grabbing Jihoon’s shoulders to be able to stand. 

“Be care-” 

Soonyoung shushed him. “I’m being careful, I just want to hug you Jihoon.”

Jihoon was taken aback by the impatient tone of his voice, so he pushed him back to sit on the bed, standing in between Soonyoung’s legs. “What’s wrong? I got paged by a nurse.”

“I just wanted to see you,” Soonyoung tried to stand again.

“No, Soonyoung sit down,” Jihoon pushed him back, and Soonyoung grabbed pulling him into a kiss which Jihoon didn’t reject. He wrapped his arms over Soonyoung’s shoulders trying to make him keep sitting. it made Soonyoung grunt in disagreement, but he didn’t stop the kiss, his hands quickly making their way under Jihoon’s coat and scrubs, spreading warmth and sending shivers all over Jihoon’s back. Jihoon let Soonyoung deepen their kiss hands off of his back and working fast to remove his white coat, he was about to complain but he felt a nibble on his bottom lip and his mind went full of the moment. Soonyoung threw the coat away and quickly pulled the top of his scrubs up, revealing his stomach and placing kissed up until his chest. Jihoon grabbed his face and pulled him into another kiss, hands almost trembling as he removed his shirt. Soonyoung let his robe fall, chest exposed and hugged Jihoon. a few of the nodes connected thereto the machines pinched Jihoon, but feeling Soonyoung’s warm skin against him as enough to forget about it. Soonyoung patted the back of one of his thighs, a signal for Jihoon to sit on his lap, Jihoon, careful not to pull on any of the wires followed. His mind filled with Soonyoung’s kiss, hands, and warmth. The tension between them was always present, but Jihoon never allowed himself to give in, always leaving before things got heated, and he would have probably done the same now, but Soonyoung skilled hands running down his back to squeeze his ass, or his tiny grunts against their kisses took the best of him and all the pent up desire was finally being released. Soonyoung tensed his thighs when he felt Jihoon grinding on them. Jihoon couldn’t be more surprised at how easy Soonyoung read his movements and acted on them. He felt his pants growing painfully tight and moaned when Soonyoung slid a hand under his pants to touch the skin of his bottom. 

“God. Soonyoung,” Jihoon let another breathy moan when Soonyoung bit a sensitive spot on his collarbone. He got off Soonyoung, mind suddenly going back to reality, realizing where he was and what was going on, but before taking everything in. Soonyoung almost reading his mind, stood up again, his robes falling on the room’s floor, leaving him completely naked, he pulled Jihoon into a hug. Jihoon stepped on his tiptoes to kiss him back, mind not completely clouded, he decided it was better for him to do the work. He kissed Soonyoung’s jaw, down his neck, avoided his chest and then down to his stomach, placing smiley kisses as he looked up at him. 

Getting onto his knees, he pushed Soonyoung to sit on the bed and gave him a look waiting for his permission to continue. Soonyoung nodded almost too strong, Jihoon laughed and kissed the soft skin of his thighs, the closer he got to his dick, the more his kisses transformed into little bites, soft enough not to leave any marks. When he finally got to touch Soonyoung, the moan that escaped Soonyoung’s lips, made them both laugh, it was too loud, and someone might have heard them. That was the last piece of decent memory Jihoon had, because being immersed in giving Soonyoung all the pleasure he could and enjoying the whimpers, quiet moans of his name, his hands on his hair, pulling and messing it. The mix of all the sensations just made the world around disappear. Soonyoung was intoxicating, taking all his attention and spreading a comfortable warmth through his veins. He wasn’t sure when, but a little after his nose touched Soonyoung’s stomach as he took him all in, he felt something warm in his throat and Soonyoung breathlessly whimpering “I’m sorry”, over and over again. 

Jihoon stood up and cleaned his mouth, before giving Soonyoung a quick peck, telling him it was okay. He stood in front of Soonyoung, both of them needed time to catch their breaths, so Jihoon pulled his head gently against his chest and run his thumbs over his cheeks and hair. He was still so drunk with Soonyoung’s pleasure, he forgot about his. As his senses finally began normalizing, he placed a kiss on the top of Soonyoung’s head and heard that Soonyoung was still breathless. His instincts waking up, trying no to scare the other.

“Soonyoung,” he cupped Soonyoung’s cheeks, his eyes were still closed, chest lifting too slowly. “how do you feel?”

Soonyoung nodded, trying to tell him he was okay, Jihoon left to put his scrubs back on and dress Soonyoung. He fought against him, trying to stop him from sliding the robes back on him. “Come on Soonyoung, you need to get dressed.”

“No,” Soonyoung breathed with difficulty, a frown on his face “I can continue.”

“Soonie,” Jihoon whispered, trying to hold Soonyoung’s hands still, his breathing was slowly becoming ragged and Jihoon was fighting to stay calm “I’m okay, it was amazing. Now you need to calm down. Please, try to breathe.”

“No, no, no” Soonyoung started to fight to keep on moving. His hands trying to reach for Jihoon’s pants, his waist, Jihoon, just Jihoon. It pained Jihoon to try to keep him still, he was much stronger than Soonyoung, and his slightly ragged breaths were becoming loud gasps and sobs. 

“Soonie, no” Jihoon tried restraining his arms and body embracing him with a stronghold. “Baby, calm down, please.”

Soonyoung sobs became tight inhales, Soonyoung was beginning to choke. Jihoon pushed him back to the bed and called a nurse. Tears spilling from his eyes, but hands steady to not hurt him. Soonyoung kept fighting him, but his time he was fighting to take the wires and IV. A nurse came in and paged Hyejin, but Joshua ran in before her. Helping Jihoon restrain Soonyoung and saying words to try to calm Soonyoung down. Jihoon’s heart was beating crazy inside his chest, if it wasn’t for the effort of keeping Soonyoung still, he would think he was about to throw it up.

“Step aside!” Hyejin ordered as soon as she entered. Joshua obeyed, but Jihoon fought him again, telling her Soonyoung was about to equipment out. “Joshua, please get Dr. Lee away from the patient.”

Jihoon stared at her in disbelief, his eyes blurring with tears. 

“Trust her, Ji,” Joshua pulled Jihoon by the shoulders and Soonyoung was finally unrestrained to free himself. Soonyoung pulled all the wires out of his chest, the oxygen wire thrown over his head and the IV was violently ripped from his arm. He continued to cry and gasp deeply, now hitting his chest with his hand. Jihoon kept on crying, his chest tight, and heart breaking at the sight. Hyejin calmly moved to Soonyoung’s side, stopping him from hitting himself too hard. She whispered words to him, breathing loud, but under control, guiding Soonyoung to breathe along with her. She told him he was safe now, surrounded by people who cared about him. Jihoon watched Soonyoung calm down, still crying. He walked to sit beside him when Hyejin beckoned him to. He held Soonyoung’s hand and Soonyoung almost curled to his side. Joshua gave Hyejin the oxygen tube and she asked Soonyoung for permission to install it back in. 

Slowly, Soonyoung stopped crying and his breathing became normal again. Hyejin sat next to them, but Joshua left them all three alone. Jihoon muttered a thank you to her, and she smiled back. 

Soonyoung fell asleep while Jihoon arranged the sweaty hair over his forehead. Hyejin was now standing and connecting all the wires back in. Controlling his vitals and checking that everything was working normally. Jihoon noticed she wasn’t wearing her white coat, but her street clothes. She probably was about to leave when she got paged. Hyejin didn’t ask questions, she only picked up Jihoon’s coat from the flow and help him fix his messy hair. Still, Jihoon felt the need to explain.

“I’m sorry,” he said, hand still holding Soonyoung’s. “He was fine, I swear it was all so sudden. I tried to calm him down, but he just wouldn’t-”

“It’s fine Jihoon,” Hyejin reassured him, the smile drawing on her face was sad but knowingly. “He had a panic attack, that’s no one else’s fault. We can agree he hasn’t been very well lately.”

"I'm scared," he said, words a mere whisper. He didn't want to cry anymore, but the thoughts that were too often circling in his mind and being pushed away were now decluttering and taking over. 

"He has a fever," if she heard him, she was choosing to avoid the topic and Jihoon just chose not to push it. "Let me get something to fix this. And uh, close your coat there's a visible stain in your pants."

Hyejin didn't talk much, she worked quiet and Jihoon found their silence pleasant. She put an IV on Soonyoung's hand and fixed some hydrating solution into it. 

Her phone rang a few times in her pocket, but she ignored it until she was sure she had everything fixed for Soonyoung overnight. 

Jihoon wanted to stay over, but when Hyejin took her phone and went for the door, she didn't leave, instead looked at him as if waiting for him to follow her. 

"Come on," she motioned him. He kissed Soonyoung's forehead and followed her to the parking lot. They found Joshua sitting alone on a bench outside. She sat next to him, and Jihoon followed. It was getting quite warm now at nights and the hospital's tempered environment was never a reflection of the outside. He wanted to take off his coat but remembered the stain that was probably still there and decided to keep it. "I didn't think it was a good idea to talk there, but we still wanted to hear you out."

Jihoon bent forward on his seat, hands restlessly moving while he tried to find the right words to convey his feelings. Hyejin had already heard him saying he was scared and Joshua, well, Joshua knew Soonyoung and him. They had most likely figured out already what had triggered the event. Jihoon wished they would say something, anything. He didn't know how to start, but both the others stayed quiet waiting.

"I don't want to make a mistake," as soon as those words were out, something inside his chest began closing and creeping towards his throat making it hard to talk. It wasn't that he didn't know what was going on, it was that he didn't know how to explain it. "He means a lot to me."

Another silence grew between them, but this time Joshua interrupted it, "You don't have to have things figured out. We make mistakes in all relationships, don't carry all that weight on your shoulders."

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Hyejin continued. "But we both wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Soonyoung and you grew closer together fast and you always seem to be okay with everything, too okay. We want to make sure you're actually okay Jihoon. We know he means a lot to you, but Soonyoung gets asked daily about this, so we thought about asking you. Especially after now."

Jihoon took a deep breath, the knot on his throat wanting to break loose, it was almost tempting to spill words, but he managed to keep it calm. "I'm okay," he could tell it was hard to believe because of his strained voice. "I'm just scared of not being careful enough and lose him."

Joshua squeezed one of Jihoon's shoulders before clearing his throat. "Again, you don't need to have things figured out, Jihoon. Soonyoung and you have an unusual relationship, and you need to learn to communicate more. Soonyoung is going through a lot right now, but he’s not leaving. You’re not losing him. The speed you two moved into a relationship, you will still need to talk some things through. He doesn't expect you to be perfect, just as you don't."

"I know," Jihoon said, the heavyweight on his chest slowly leaving. "But today was just, almost so normal, and I can only guess he got frustrated that he and we can't be normal."

"You love him, Jihoon," Hyejin said. "I know that he knows that, everyone does, really. The way you two are right now, it's your 'normal', and it is as different from any other relationship's normality. What's equal for every relationship, though, is that it will hurt when you don't understand each other, but it's going to be fine as long as you two want to make it work. He has a hard time speaking about things that hurt him. He's not used to be restricted. And you, you don’t talk much either. However, once all this shit he's been going through is over, things will change again and you two will have to re-learn to love each other through it. I don't doubt in your love at all, you are an amazing person for him, but it's you who needs to believe in that as well."

"Thank you," he smiled at Hyejin. She was smart at choosing words to speak, and Jihoon was happy to have met her. "You too, Joshua, I appreciate you two taking the time."

"It's okay," Joshua stood to stretch himself, and probably to cut some of the tension. "Just remember that today happened and that it's no one else's fault. You will learn more about Soonyoung and he will learn more about you and how to properly express himself. Be patient."

"And don't do that during working hours," Hyejin added with a grin on her face and pointing at his pants. "Imagine I had walked in."

Joshua laughed out loud with Hyejin, and Jihoon covered his face embarrassed, but when Hyejin patted him on the head, both of them stopped. "Just kidding, but learn to take some of this weight off of your shoulders Jihoon. You're not supposed to be anyone's saviour, you're his companion. Don't go around just being complacent and not expressing what you feel."

"In conclusion," Joshua added, "Don't blame yourself for the things you're not responsible for, learn to talk to Soonyoung and keep your dick calm while in the hospital."

….

**DAY 70**

Soonyoung went first on the list. Jihoon was so happy when Dr. Ahn gave him the news as they made their way to the room. He remembered the way she handed him the chart with Soonyoung's information updated. He didn’t even bother looking at it. She put her hands in the pockets of her white coat and drew a long breath before entering the room. _ Why does she look so grim about it? _ Jihoon thought this was good news, weren’t they?

They weren’t, they were as devastating as the look Soonyoung gave them when he asked: “Did the person before me get a heart?” Dr. Ahn tried her best to keep a positive tone. The person, a 35-year-old woman, who had been put on the list long before Soonyoung, had just died waiting for one. Soonyoung offered them a smile that lacked all the light he usually transmitted, it made Jihoon’s heart tug. “I’d like to take a nap, can I?” he turned his back to them and both doctors took the cue to leave. Hyejin gave him a questioning look but Jihoon shook his head. If Soonyoung implied he needed to be alone, it was better to listen, as much as it hurt Jihoon to leave him alone. He wanted nothing more than to hold him and share the pain with him. He felt stupid for not having seen what news like this would mean.

“Jihoon,” Dr. Ahn took a long breath when they stopped outside of the next patient’s room. She turned around hands still in her pockets and eyes just on the floor. Jihoon realized that she hardly ever felt powerless when it came to medical decisions, but when it was about human emotions, she was the face of a stoic person. “It’s soon gonna be his birthday and he will have to spend it here. His mood has been declining lately and I really would like to have you around my service for a little longer. Do you mind?”

“I-I think the other interns will not like the idea” he stuttered gripping the chart in hand. Seeing Soonyoung a little more often wasn’t bothering him, but Wonwoo and Jun had already commented that other interns weren’t keen on Jihoon been Dr. Ahn’s favourite. Everyone kept that story, which was partly true, he was her favourite, but the other didn’t know about Soonyoung and him. “Besides, I’m not sure if I should.”

“Jihoon, I’m not asking you about the others,” she looked at him. “This is about you, I think you have a lot of what it's needed for this. Plus, he’s gonna need you, as his boyfriend and as his doctor. So, if you think you can manage both...”

"Thank you" he sighed relieved. He knew she wasn't taking this decision lightly, having him there meant that she understood how much this meant for him. He was always grateful for Hyejin.

….

**DAY 78**

Soonyoung was breathing was weak, his chest was being moved up and down by the mechanical ventilator, oxygen was audibly entering and leaving his body. He looked so fragile. Jihoon had trouble putting an arm under his head, he was afraid to break him, but Soonyoung had requested to be embraced. Jihoon cuddled him as gently as he could, and Soonyoung lost no time holding onto his free hand. Despite the ache in his heart, Jihoon still spoke cheerfully "Tell me about your perfect first date outside."

Soonyoung took a long breath, the way his chest slowly rose with difficulty had Jihoon closing his eyes. He was about to tell Soonyoung not to talk when a whisper left his lips. "I want you to sit by the beach with me," he took another deep breath and Jihoon placed a long kiss on his temple to let him know he could wait "but I also want to hear you sing, go on that date to see the stars. Can we do like a million things in one date?"

Jihoon laughed and squeezed his hands. "We don't have to go on one date only. Once you're out of here we will have many dates. I'll sing for you, you'll dance for me, we will listen to the ocean waves together, watch the stars. There’s so much to do."

"Jihoon" he hummed in response "What if my heart changes?" A barely audible sob broke his voice by the end of that question and had Jihoon back at wanting to close his eyes and forget that this is what he was living. "What if I get a heart and it doesn't love you? What if you don't love my new heart?"

Jihoon took a deep breath. A part of him wanted to laugh at Soonyoung's question, it was a pretty obvious answer, right? Feelings aren't associated with the organ. The organ just reacts to the chemical reactions the brain sends to it. You don't control it. Yet, the other part of him understood the uncertainty of where the question came from. It wasn't a crazy thought to have. A heart is what makes us feel alive, it's what makes you feel like you connect with someone and Sooyoung's heart has made him feel yet hurt so much already. His own hurt was sitting too heavy on his chest, he wanted to laugh at the irony of his first thought in contrast to his real feelings.

"You'll get a heart and you will love that heart. It's gonna bring you new life and allow you to feel, love and live longer." He peppered the side of Soonyoung's face with small kisses. "And if you still choose me, I'll love you and the new heart."

Jihoon cuddled Soonyoung and whispered songs into his ear until they both fell asleep to the rhythm of the breathing support. The next morning, Jihoon thought he chose the perfect present for Soonyoung's birthday and was excited to pick it up and show it to him.

….

**Day 79**

He woke up earlier than normal, got up oddly refreshed and went straight to get ready to go out. He had gotten a free day today, right on Soonyoung's birthday, and he went to pick up his gift for him. 

It was always on his mind, but he didn't get into actually looking for a way to do it until just a few days ago. Soonyoung's condition wasn't any better. After the news, he felt devastated, often trying to hide it behind his usual smile, but his defences kept getting low and eventually everything got worse. His days were now spent drifting in and out of consciousness, but Jihoon liked to think that he was stable and still strong.

The first stop was his friend Bumzu's music studio. He and Jihoon used to write and compose together before med school. Bumzu continued and Jihoon dropped by often to check on him. He knew about Soonyoung, he knew about Jihoon writing again and was the one to first suggest to record a song. The details fell like puzzle pieces when they began composing and arranging them. They usually took pride in their work, but they both felt this one piece was a different type of masterpiece. 

The second stop was a carpenter's workshop. A fine piece Jihoon watched on the window on the mornings he left for work. He talked about his idea with the man, he was soon on board. He assembled the last pieces together and Jihoon left for the hospital with his heart beating happily to the tune he hummed in the car. 

The hospital was moving weirdly slow, he didn't see any of his friends around. Odd, but he wasn't working today, it wasn't time to worry about that.

Soonyoung was soundly asleep when he arrived in his room. He looked peaceful, even as he was connected to his vent machine.

Jihoon got closer to whisper in his ear. "Happy birthday Soonyoung" 

Soonyoung slowly opened his eyes, a smile forming on his lips and a low breathy _ thank you _ left his lips.

"I have a gift for you," Jihoon sat on the bed putting a little box in front of Soonyoung. The latter reached to open it, Jihoon was happy to help tear the messy wrapping work he had done. Soonyoung's eyes opened wider at the sight of the wooden box, it had delicate carvings on the outside that resembled constellations. Jihoon was nervous but happy as he saw the glow in Soonyoung's eyes. 

He helped him open the lid and the tiny figure of a dancing boy rose up followed by the thumping of drums, then a guitar and finally Jihoon's voice created the perfect combination. The drums were at the same tempo of a heartbeat, Soonyoung held Jihoon's hand and shortly squeezed it to the beat, staring at Jihoon, battling for his eyes to stay open, Jihoon leaned in mid-song to place a kiss on his lips. "You can close your eyes."

Soonyoung sighed in response and his eyes closed, his hand still squeezing Jihoon's to the rhythm. Soonyoung pressed the button on his side and brought his bed up so that he was in more of a sitting position, right in front of Jihoon. The doctor sat a little closer, bringing his forehead against Soonyoung's, eyes closed and taking in the music and the moment.

"Do you like it?" He asked when the song ended, Soonyoung nodded in response, and an audible sob made Jihoon open his eyes. "No, please don't cry"

Soonyoung smiled as his tears fell, and Jihoon held his face, cleaning them with his thumbs.

"Are you okay?" Soonyoung nodded, the smile slightly disappearing, he re-opened the lid again and the song started all over again. 

He breathed in. "It's beautiful, Jihoon"

Jihoon softly connected their lips in a kiss, slowly transforming in continuous pecks caressing his cheeks and making sure to wipe all of the falling tears. They stayed sitting in front of each other, foreheads together, swaying softly in their position to the rhythm of the song until Soonyoung fell asleep again.

…..

**DAY 80**

Jihoon heard the hurried footsteps and almost instantly put his guard up. Working at the hospital, you never really knew what could happen, and certainly, he wasn’t ready for what he was going to hear. 

“He’s crashing, Jihoon,” Wonwoo said grabbing him by the arm and forcing him to follow. There was no time to feel the way his body was reacting, only the loud thumping of his heart mismatching their footsteps as they ran into the room.

“No, no we need an OR, now!” Dr. Ahn was already there, hands clasped and compressing Soonyoung’s chest. Jihoon stopped, mind suddenly clouded, and heart dropping. The expression remained as peaceful as ever, bangs falling over his forehead, skin still subtlety glowing. Hyejin jumped and sat with Soonyoung’s body between her, compressions non-stopping, Jun was helping move the gurney towards the elevator. 

Jihoon stood wide-eyed looking at the scene in front of him. He made his way towards the OR and Wonwoo closely behind catching him by his coat.

…. 

It's been three hours since Dr. Ahn told him to take Jihoon home, but Jihoon refused to leave the hospital until Jun or anyone gave them some news. The subtle sobbing was the only sound filling the room. His back ached from sitting against the on-call room's wall. Jihoon was sitting beside him on the floor, head buried between his knees, still shaking, but more in control. Wonwoo checked his phone once more, but still no news. 

He sighed, it was painful to hear and to watch but didn’t want to leave Jihoon alone, and frankly, if it was himself, he would want someone next to him. The three hours of waiting started with his friend refusing to stay out of the OR. Wonwoo had almost ripped Jihoon’s coat trying to stop him. He then screamed at Dr. Ahn for refusing to let him scrub in the operation. Wonwoo had to talk sense into Jihoon until he agreed to let the others do the job. His usually clear-headed friend and colleague was someone else today. It took Wonwoo and Joshua a while to calm Jihoon down enough for him to stay in one place and wait.

Finally, his phone beeped, and Jihoon lifted his gaze. "Is it Jun?" his voice was groggy, but the desperation too clear in his tone.

"It's Josh," Wonwoo said reading the message "No news yet."

Jihoon lowered his head again and Wonwoo replied to Joshua.

_I've never seen him lose it like that._

_Neither have I. I don't even understand what happened_

_what _ _happened. I mean, he was stable._

_ And we learn how to deal with this, don't we?_

_He was more than just a patient, Wonwoo._

_We don’t really learn about this._

_I don’t know what to do._

_Neither do I, but let’s not leave him alone, _

_that’s something we can do. He is special to him._

_I'll scrub in now, they paged general surgery. I'll let _

_you know something as soon as I'm out._

Wonwoo flipped his phone in his hand and looked up at the ceiling. _ It's been three hours and they've paged general surgery, this can't be good _. He looked at Jihoon at his side, he wasn't sobbing anymore, but he wasn't looking up either. Wonwoo reached to squeeze his shoulder. He wasn't gonna tell him what Joshua said, but he was foreseeing that he'd have to be here for Jihoon today.

"Ji," he said, "I think you should try to get some sleep. I'll stay here and wake you up if we get news."

"Wonwoo," Jihoon whispered, "Can you just talk to me? Tell me anything?"

….

**DAY 81**

Joshua squeezed his shoulder leaving the post-op room. He messaged Wonwoo as soon as Soonyoung was out of the OR and he sprinted towards the room, only having to be stopped by Jeonghan asking him to calm down and not run in the hospital’s hallways.

Soonyoung was asleep, Jihoon hated to see the tube that kept his mouth open but helped him breathe. The air entering and leaving Soonyoung’s body was loud and artificial like it had been in the past days, but today it resonated differently in Jihoon’s ears. He searched for Soonyoung’s hand under the covers and squeezed it. It was warm and soft as always. 

Hyejin appeared behind him, Jihoon brushed the hair off of Soonyoung’s forehead. “Cardiorespiratory arrest. His heart can’t anymore if it continues his lungs will be permanently compromised. I just placed mechanical support for his heart to beat, but if it continues, it won’t be enough.”

“Did you report it?” Jihoon whispered, hoping she didn’t hear him because the answer might crash him. 

“I had to,” she mumbled, the lack of words became painful. She reached to put a hand on Jihoon’s shoulder “I said ten days.”

Jihoon shrugged, holding back the tears. Soonyoung was still here, but it felt as if he was slowly slipping away from him. _ Ten days _, the thought circled is mind. “Best case scenario?”

“His heart starts working and so do his lungs,” her words reflected the pain she also felt. “or we find him a heart.”

Jihoon’s heart throbbed in pain. This time, time was tickling and he felt powerless, there was nothing he could or the others could do now. “A heart will appear.”

“It will,” Hyejin replied, wiping a tear off her face with the back of her hand. “We should call his parents.”

….

**DAY 88**

It was in the middle of a nap in the on-call room that Joshua came in and talked annoyingly loud on the phone to intently wake Jihoon up. 

"Can't you take that outside?" He mumbled covering his head with the sheets. The tiredness of the past shift mixed with the exhaustion of missing Soonyoung and the fruitless solution-seeking were keeping him awake most of the night. His head had managed to shut up one minute to sleep before Joshua woke him up.

"She'll be there with a team soon," the happiness seeping from Joshua's voice was too evident. Jihoon readjusted in bed to look at him. He was thanking someone on the other line and when he hung up he looked at Jihoon with the biggest smile. "Guess what? Soonyoung's got a heart"

….

He kissed Soonyoung's forehead and whispered: "You've got it Soonie, I told you you would."

He ran up the hospital's stairs to the heliport where Hyejin was waiting for him. So far, he had never been so close to a helicopter, it made the whole situation feel like a mission like the ones in the movies. _ Soonyoung's not gonna believe this. _ It was a rainy Sunday in town, and he had never felt so alive. 

"Did you tell him?" Hyejin asked, the smile on her face not as big as the one Jihoon felt on his face as he nodded, but he knew she was just as relieved and happy as him, although there was one more hurdle to overcome.

She turned to look at the window and took a long breath "I should not allow you to be in the OR."

Jihoon wasn't surprised at her words, after all, it would be unethical for him to be there, as much as he wanted to fight it.

"If something goes wrong, I can't have you freaking out like the last time" Hyejin's expression was calm. Jihoon just stayed quiet, waiting for her to fill the silence. "You'll scrub in, but you're not allowed to operate."

….

Once the heart is located, biochemical tests are run in order to determine if it’s fitting for someone on the list, but Hyejin insisted on checking that the heart is indeed suitable for her patient. That was the last obstacle. Jihoon walked in a cold room and watched Hyejin examined the heart. His own heartbeat was resonating in his ears, almost making him want to throw up. It was hard to keep his anxiety under control while Hyejin was doing something he considered unnecessary, the tests were already positive, right? Still, her eyes and hands studied the organ thoroughly. She finally put it down and smiled, confirming that it was perfect for Soonyoung.

Jihoon received an invaluable cooler box and held it, feeling its rather heavy but precious weight in his hands. Too many thoughts were running in his head, and probably Hyejin noticed. She tried to start a game on their way back, listing all the things they had to do in the OR. From preparation to finishing with the close and follow up. Jihoon couldn't concentrate, but Hyejin was insistent, not letting Jihoon rest his mind off it. Before he expected, they were landing on the top of their hospital’s building.

He jumped off and Joshua was waiting for him with the biggest smile he had ever seen him wear. They made their way in comfortable silence towards the operating room.

Dr. Ahn chose Wonwoo to scrub in, while Joshua would be there to assist the procedure. Jihoon handled the cooler to a nurse before going to prep. First of all, he got his surgical cap on. It was the dark blue one Soonyoung's parents gave him. Next, he washed his hands thoroughly under the cold water, longer than normal, trying to brush off the nervousness that had him shaking before the surgery. Next, he got help to put both his robes and gloves. 

He had a laugh looking at Dr. Ahn and Joshua both adjusting big bumps under their robes. _ Diapers _ , Jihoon though "Isn't that too exaggerated, the surgery isn't that long, is it?". Both doctors complained they had tiny bladders and sometimes your nerves played you, so they weren't taking any chances. He wanted to act more professional but ended up laughing anyway. Lastly, he took one more look at Soonyoung. He was sleeping, not the type of peacefully sleeping he was used too, but sedated. Too immobile, connected to mechanical ventilation. The nurse covered his face leaving only his chest in sight. Just the look sight of Soonyoung's bare chest being prepped sent chills down his spine. The pink scar in the middle of his chest told him again, _ that's Soonyoung. It's really going to happen. _

Hyejin and Joshua stood each at one side of Soonyoung, Wonwoo, and Jihoon just a little behind them. The team was in halt while Hyejin stretched her neck. They all knew this surgery wasn't starting without a few words. Hyejin looked at each one of them in the eyes, this was her team and she wanted them to know she was counting on them. At last, she looked at Jihoon and held a hand out calling for the scalpel. Jihoon's stomach dropped. Hyejin positioned the knife right above the middle of Soonyoung's chest and took a deep breath. 

"It's a great day to save a life," she said and Jihoon could see her eyes smile behind the magnifying glasses. "Let's bring that bright smile back."

And with that, she cut Soonyoung's chest open while Jihoon held his breath.

Jihoon watched closely from behind, sometimes getting a very rare spare look from one of the surgeons. They were listening to some ballad song Dr. Hyejin had put on the list. Both Joshua and Hyejin had chosen songs to listen during surgery. It mostly consisted of songs to keep them calm and focused, but they both allowed themselves to hum or even sing some part while still fully operating. Wonwoo seemed super concentrated, he was much better at the game Hyejin was trying to play with Jihoon before. His friend was very skilled and his book knowledge would surely pay off when he got his own surgeries. 

They placed the pump that was gonna keep the blood running inside Soonyoung's body.

"Clamp that one first, and then that one there and we are ready. Wonwoo, get ready to take it out." Hyejin pointed to Wonwoo who was doing a very precise job following the instructions. "Jihoon, can you please bring the heart?"

Jihoon eyes widened with surprise and confusion, all eyes were now fixed on him. His heart was beating too audibly for his ears, but before he could refuse the idea, Hyejin arched her eyebrows at him, the eyes of a determined and incisive surgeon, Jihoon almost shivered. _ There's no time to waste _, Jihoon understood and turned around to take the healthy but lifeless organ that laid in a pool of ice. 

Wonwoo took Soonyoung's enlarged heart, almost like a balloon, still moving by inertia, but soon to be dead. A heart that worked over its limits to keep Soonyoung alive. Jihoon directed one last look at it, before concentrating on his task. Although it lasted no longer than a few seconds, Jihoon heard his own heart thumping while gently setting Soonyoung's heart in his open chest. He backed away shaking, while the other doctors worked fast to connect the heart to the body.

"You should leave," Joshua said not lifting his eyes.

"I won't bother” Jihoon urged taking another step back.

"This could get messy Ji," Joshua insisted, but Hyejin shushed him.

"Let him stay," she said, "As long as he promises he will be of help if needed."

"Thanks" he mumbled, backing away again.

"Don't thank me," Hyejin said. "You need to toughen up, Jihoon. We are already at stake having two interns here. Prove that it's worth to have you here."

The words cut through the music of the OR and had it not being that everyone was concentrated, the tension would have been too high to take. Jihoon believed that she didn't only mean that he had to prove himself as a surgeon, but as a doctor and someone worthy to be with Soonyoung. 

"Now please, someone" Hyejin cut the silence, a glint of excitement crossed her eyes "change the song and put something upbeat, this gets real now."

….

Jihoon watched they connect the heart very carefully and slowly trying to let the blood go inside of it until it was time. The forceps on Soonyoung's chest revealed a heart getting pink with blood. It was filling itself. 

Now, it just had to pump. 

The room felt awfully quiet in expectation, but the heart didn’t pump. Hyejin fixed it rapidly by putting mechanical support. As soon as the heart started pumping and Jihoon almost got his eyes clouded with tears, a monitor started sounding. His blood pressure was falling rapidly. Jihoon watched the scene in slow motion.

Wonwoo took a step back, too afraid of bothering, the other two surgeons who jumped right into looking at what was wrong. He swallowed hard, trying to remember Hyejin's words, but she screamed in relief, "We just missed a stitch! It's bleeding, I need the cautery pen!"

….

**DAY 92**

A patient usually regains consciousness twenty-four hours after being moved to a recovery room. Soonyoung has been asleep for three days, his heart strong and mechanically pumping inside. For those three days, Jihoon worked non-stop. Only having breaks between tasks and meals to talk to Soonyoung. To tell him about the little kid he had been following up in paediatrics that was now back at home with his parents. About the patient, he and Jun had to treat for burns, how his dark humour when it hurt reminded Jihoon of Soonyoung. Jihoon told Soonyoung all about the procedure.

Sometimes, in hopes of just having him to wake up, he would put the playlist he made long ago. The past two nights, he sat next to him holding his hand, falling asleep while humming soft melodies that he hoped would reach Soonyoung's consciousness and bring him back. Today, Jihoon couldn't hold back his tears. The others had banned him from seeing patients and work, he was sleep-deprived and although he was incredibly good at managing his work like that, Hyejin told him to stay away for the day. Not working meant for him to stay alone with his head, running out of stories to tell Soonyoung. He picked up the music box and opened it, the familiar guitar tune surrounding the room and drifting him into sleep.

Jihoon woke up when a hand was running along with his hair. He groaned in his sleep, feeling his muscles suddenly aware of his uncomfortable position. He was about to complain when he opened his eyes and took the room in. Soonyoung had his eyes open and a weak smile on his lips. Jihoon jumped to kiss him right away, forgetting that they were in a hospital, Soonyoung in a bed and waking up from surgery, waking up after so many days unconscious. 

“Oh my God,” he kissed him repeatedly, stopping to move the hair away from his forehead and lock eyes with him, he swore he saw stars in Soonyoung’s eyes. “Hi, Soonie.”

“Hi,” Soonyoung’s voice was a faint whisper, but it made Jihoon’s heart jump happily inside his chest, he leaned to kiss him again, lips and smiles lingering. When Jihoon broke apart, to call the nurse Soonyoung squeezed one of his hands, “Confirmed, this heart loves you as well.”

….

**DAY 115**

Soonyoung’s recuperation was an incredibly fast process. He was walking around the hospital just a few days post-surgery and if it wasn’t because of protocol, he probably could have been released earlier. Anyways, he was being released today and Jihoon kissed their interlaced fingers as they made their way out of the hospital. 

Soonyoung jumped cheerfully inside the car. They were finally driving to Jihoon’s apartment, which was now gonna be theirs to share. Jihoon had been meaning to ask for a while, and when Soonyoung’s parents had been visiting five days ago and talking about renting an apartment for him for a while until he could go back to work. Soonyoung wasn’t really into the idea, but also he couldn’t just move back into the countryside for a while, he was required by protocol to live in a less than two-hour ride from the hospital. So Jihoon ended up offering in a shrug, “you could move in with me?”

The room had fallen silent, but Mr. Kwon crossed his arms and supported the idea. It was good for Soonyoung to be under a medical eye and also with his boyfriend. So they didn’t dwell much about it. Still, when they were alone again, Soonyoung wasn’t sure, he didn’t want to bother Jihoon, he was already used to live alone. Jihoon again said as a matter-of-fact that he didn’t say it so lightly as it sounded. He wanted Soonyoung to move in with him, he thought they were ready for that, already spending much time together at the hospital, plus the apartment was only twenty minutes away with the car. Soonyoung wanted to fight about so many things, but Jihoon shut him up with a kiss. “It’s not big,” he held Soonyoung’s hands, “but I would like to share it with you.”

Jihoon opened the door and Soonyoung walked in, fast to explore it all. He wasn’t lying when he said it was a small place. A tiny living and dining room attached to the kitchen and a room with a balcony. Soonyoung called Jihoon out to come to the balcony and they shared a kiss under the sunlight. It felt again like a first kiss, but one that brought relief to both of them. Everything was far from over, but the worst was already over.

“Welcome home, Soonie.”

….

**Day 120**

Soonyoung loved waking up early in the morning feeling the warmth of his boyfriend's body next to him. Jihoon was curled up facing him, mouth slightly agape and breathing calmly in his sleep. Some mornings, Soonyoung loved just staring at him in their proximity, his soft hands that offered the most gentle touches to his skin but were trained with precision and steadiness to operate. The place over his collarbone close to his neck where if he paid enough attention, he could see Jihoon's heartbeat. He memorized all the places and ways to check that Jihoon's heart was beating.

This morning, however, he didn't just stare. This morning he was grateful for his boyfriend. Grateful for being lucky enough to have him, to have his love, to have a second skin to trace with his hands and lips. His hand grazed Jihoon's chest. It was pale, soft, and lacking the scars Soonyoung's had. He caressed the space between his pectorals where on his own chest sat his biggest scar. He moved his touch up to Jihoon's neck where again he could trace a scar on his body, but Jihoon's skin was untouched, undiscovered by scalpels or catheters. Soonyoung never looked down on his scars, they were his story, and Jihoon wasn't free of them either, bearing a few marks in random places. He found it pretty to find differences in their bodies. It made Jihoon beautiful to his eyes.

"Come here," Jihoon whispered still half asleep, not opening his eyes but his arms instead. Soonyoung didn’t waste a second, burying his face in Jihoon's immaculate chest and placing a kiss on it, his hand lingering on the place over his heart so that he could feel his heartbeat before sliding to his back to hug him. Jihoon tighten his embrace on Soonyoung and kissed the top of his head. "What's keeping you up?"

"You," Soonyoung kissed Jihoon's chest, his collarbone, then the crook of his neck, stopping there to place open-mouthed kisses and then reach up to Jihoon's mouth. He loved being in Jihoon's arms, but his desire to show Jihoon how grateful he was for him, had him quickly pulling Jihoon up to sit so that he could get on top straddling his thighs, tentatively rolling his hips against his. 

"Eager" Jihoon kissed him back, his hands travelling from his waist up to cup his face.

"Gotta keep that heart healthy with cardio," he smirked in between their kisses. 

"I hate your heart jokes," Jihoon pulled away, but Soonyoung grabbed his face to bring their mouths together again. "No, Soonyoung, we-"

"Come on," he refused to stop kissing him. He was feeling himself getting worked up and could tell that Jihoon was as well, but stopped when Jihoon didn’t kiss him back "Hyejin said we are clear to do it."

Jihoon pushed away, cheeks blushing "You talk to Hyejin about our sex life? Wait, who else was there?"

"Lee Jihoon, Dr. Lee Jihoon" he made sure to intonate the word doctor as he crossed his arms. "She's my doctor. She knows sex is normal, and she knows we have a relationship. I've sadly probably discussed sex with her more than with my boyfriend."

Jihoon sighed, bringing his hands to cup Soonyoung's face. He stared into his eyes. Those sweet eyes Soonyoung adored so much. "I'm sorry, Soonie. I'm just scared"

"You're scared of fucking, but not of opening someone's chest up?" Soonyoung teased and Jihoon smiled, he couldn't stay angry at Jihoon. He knew Jihoon's been avoiding it as well as him, but this conversation was bound to happen. "I want this as much as you do" he wiggled his hips against Jihoon's, pointing at their still evident arousals.

"I guess I can't hide what the body wants." Jihoon laughed and kissed Soonyoung again, a long slow kiss on the lips, then on the corner of his lips and then on his nose, placing his hands on Soonyoung's hips. "Promise me your horny ass will not hide any discomfort. We can stop anytime."

Soonyoung wished he could mismatch Jihoon's loving stare, but his body betrayed him too often "I promise you, but you've got to promise me the same. I'm just as fragile as you are and I hate that you turned this moment into something so corny."

Jihoon leaned forward an eager kiss Soonyoung replied with the same strength, making a smirk form on his lips and. "I've been waiting too long to mess you up now."

Soonyoung's hand snaked their way to Jihoon's nape and pulled his hair back. This time, there was no hesitation when grinding down on his boyfriend dick, earning a moan which his tongue used to meet Jihoon's in a hot kiss. 

“Oh, Lee, I want you to mess me up."

Jihoon took the cue, hands sliding down from Soonyoung's hips and grabbing his ass tight. As Soonyoung made his way kissing down his neck, he found a sweet spot near Jihoon’s collarbone which he sucked on the skin to leave a mark, eliciting a beautiful groan from his boyfriend. Jihoon had to admit Soonyoung's was better than any of the fantasies he ever had of this happening. Soonyoung palmed Jihoon's crotch while kissing down his chest, his abs, and then finally his clothed erection. 

"What are you thinking about?" Soonyoung asked when his fingers grabbed the hem of Jihoon’s boxer briefs and the later had stopped moving, his eyes were staring too intense at Soonyoung’s.

"Your mouth, your hips, your dick, you," Soonyoung's lips turned up in a smirk, finally releasing Jihoon's dick, precum leaking and working as lube as he pumped ever so softly, putting barely any pressure on it. Jihoon let out a grunt and Soonyoung smiled, before meeting his eyes again and teasing with his tongue the slit of Jihoon’s dick. Soonyoung felt Jihoon's hands gently pulling his hair not pushing him down, but the impatience on his eyes spoke to him before his mouth. "You're driving me crazy" 

Soonyoung's hand closed tightly around the base of his boyfriend's dick and he finally took it all in his mouth without any notice, going deep until his nose was touching Jihoon's hip. Fueled by the loud gasps, he bobbed his head up and down, so excited by just listening to his name rolling out of Jihoon's tongue along with breathy moans. He had forgotten his arousal until Jihoon pulled his head away and pulled him into a kiss. 

"I'm too close," he breathed a tingle of embarrassment in his voice. Soonyoung smiled, he wouldn't mind Jihoon cumming in his mouth, but instead of fighting it, he let himself fall on his back, sliding his boxer briefs down and turning around, ass up and in front of Jihoon.

"Wait no, I want to look at you," Jihoon said flipping him to his back. He grabbed a bottle lube from the drawer in his nightstand and stood in front of Soonyoung, leaning for a kiss on the lips, the scar on his chest, he kissed it from top to bottom, telling him how much he loved him and the marks on his body. It made Soonyoung's heart feel oddly heavy, yet stronger. He asked Jihoon to continue and the later made all the way down to kiss his stomach and then finally his thighs. He sucked and bit the soft skin there, Jihoon had always loved Soonyoung’s thighs. He coated his fingers with lube and quickly found his way to stretch Soonyoung slowly, kissing and biting his stomach, his chest, his thighs, sometimes pumping his hard dick. Jihoon monitored Soonyoung's face and listened carefully to his moans to know when was the right time to add another finger. Jihoon took all his time (too much for Soonyoung's liking) to know when to adjust the speed and leaving his boyfriend wanting more. Three fingers in, and he found the sweet spot. He could come just listening to Soonyoung moans.

"Can you ride me?" Jihoon asked blushing, taking his fingers out and sitting on the side of the bed. Soonyoung nodded, reaching fast for a condom and sliding it on Jihoon's dick before applying more lube on it and sitting on his lap. He loved watching how Jihoon biting and cheeks, as he slowly took him in. Soonyoung knew he fell in love with Jihoon because of the way he looked and treated him. He made him feel special and as if he was the only one in the room and the world, but still normal when everyone else saw him as only frail. The mix of love and lust they were sharing now, gave him a different feeling. He was falling for Jihoon all over again. He kissed him passionately, love spilling in every movement, really hoping he could taste the love he was feeling. He waited to adjust to Jihoon's size among kisses and touches until they found a rhythm and Jihoon's hot moans on his ear had him losing it.

In the end, it wasn't about the hips, the excitement or the teasing, it came down to them kissing, moaning each other's name, breathy kisses, bodies synchronized in love and passion. 

Soonyoung was sure the world stopped existing when he gave in completely to the pleasure. Only at times, he would notice a few things like Jihoon nibbling on his lower lip, his soft groans and a firm grip on his hips or ass to help him move. It was arousing and stunning. About himself, he remembered his very own hands trying to stay still in a place, digging his nails in Jihoon's shoulders or back, but ending up running through his hair pulling it gently to earn open-mouthed moans that were like music to his ears.

Only when he felt his warm release on his stomach, did his senses start to come back to place. He rode his orgasm until he felt Jihoon's dick twitching inside of him and filling him.

They stayed like that for some minutes, wrapped in each other’s arms, breathless, stealing kisses and full of each other. 

Soonyoung took the moment in. Jihoon’s head on his chest, tired, but humming a happy song, probably about to fall asleep again. He carded his fingers on Jihoon’s hair, in hopes to help him fall asleep faster. Life had its ways to make people meet, and although he didn’t want to give much thought to the way they had met, he was grateful it happened, just because it happened. He was grateful for Jihoon, for all the times Jihoon was strong for him and never left or questioned the decision of choosing to love him. He was grateful for this moment and his heart that, as Jihoon had said, was now allowing him to live and enjoy love for longer. Inside of him, the heart was beating steady, intensely and in health. It was a strong heart, _ Soonyoung’s heart _ and getting stronger every day. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading it to the end! I hope you enjoyed it and that it kept you company despite the angsty moments.  
Also, considerate being an organ donor if you're eligible to be one. You could save someone's life.  



End file.
